THANKSGIVING

About 4 years ago, Lola would often say things like, "kapoy na ako (I'm tired)," to get our attention, but the response she received wasn't exactly the affectionate type. She slowly lost her enthusiasm. Fast forward to October of this year. We arrived at her hospital room to see her heavily gasping for air. She's already had extreme health complications before we flew home to Davao, but we witnessed how she was still fighting for every breath. I could tell by looking at her that she fought hard to finally feel our presence. But just three hours after we arrived the hospital, we had a new guardian angel.

That image of her would always tear me up because I knew we were the only ones she was waiting for. I forgot how grief naturally flows in thoughts to your brain, and here are mine: The person who lost the enthusiasm to live after losing a loved one was the same person who fought hard to see her loved ones come home. I understand the dichotomy now, more than ever; the loss of a loved one can deeply drain the energy to live because you want their presence to still be with you. You're devastated to know that the person can exist only through your thoughts or through his/her spirit, yet at the back of your fragile mind, you know (or desire to know) there is some hope for healing.

Aside from time itself, the people who share in the suffering give more comfort than what a serving of ice cream can give. In the spirit of roast turkey dinners and toasty sweaters, I have come to reflect that the people I love are what I'm most thankful for.

I'm thankful for them because they give me a reason to live again. They are the unconscious inspiration for getting my sh*t together. The love in between is the force and in the deepest sense, the reason why life is still worth living. I am thankful especially to Lola, one of my beloved people in the world, for making me realize that.

It's past Lola's 40th day in Heaven and has been more than a month since I last wrote, but today is Thanksgiving Day so to truly give thanks, I will live for the people I love and keep Lola's memory alive.

Every. Day.

December 2010

1001 Photography

#inspiration #motivation #growth